The
dude that started us up dressed up like King Leonidas and gave us the
pre-race speech, complete with the obligatory, and I'm sure not
influenced by Hollywood or Gerard Butler in the least, shout "tonight we
dine in Hell!!" then they sounded the gong and off we went!
The
very first obstacle that we encountered was a giant mud pit that we had
to jump into, then wade across and climb the other side. This first
obstacle ensured each participant was completely covered in mud and lost
all inhibitions about staying clean and dry! Incidentally, as I was
climbing out of this pit, I got kicked in the face by a girl, inserting a
bunch of mud in my right eye... it took me a good 5 minutes before I
could see out of that eye, and for the rest of the entire race my vision
was cloudy at best and my tear ducts went into overdrive trying to
expel the mud and sand from my eye. Any "angry" looking faces I made
during the rest of the race I attribute to this.
Then
we began a steady stream of obstacles. Run a couple hundred yards, do
another obstacle, run another couple hundred yards, do another crazy
obstacle... etc. It was awesome! We first had to climb over several
wooden walls, some just chest high that I was able to vault without too
much of a problem. One wall though was about 8 feet high with a shear
surface (ie. nothing to grab onto) I actually could've probably jumped
and grabbed the top of the wall and pulled myself up that way if it
weren't for the sticky mud that at this point of the day swallowed my
legs up to my shins, making any thoughts of jumping at all just a dream!
It was obviously an obstacle not doable solo, so I helped 3-4 people
coming up behind me by boosting them up, then finding a kind soul to in
turn boost me up!
There
were some walls that instead of climbing over, only about 24 inches
clear space was available at the bottom, and I discovered that if I
pretended I was stealing second, it was so muddy I could simply slide
underneath with breaking stride! Some walls had a small 2ft X 2ft window
about chest high that you had to figure out how to get through. This
one was simple if you just pretended that you were superman, jumped head
first through the window, then tucked and rolled into the soft mud on
the back side and then kept going!
Other fun obstacles that were encountered during the first 1/3 of the course included:
- crawling 200-300 ft under barbed wire through super-slick mud
(tough because a fellow in front of me was struggling so I would crawl
forward, grab his shoe and push him forward in increments!)
- dragging a 40-50 lb cinder block via 6 ft rope through a hilly 200 yd course
- running down a rocky, steep ravine that again by this point in the
day was full of deep sticky mud that it swallowed the shoes of not a
few unlucky souls.
It
was at about 1 1/2 miles into the course where we circled back to the
beginning for a series of obstacles right next to the crowd of
spectators, and thus Naomi was able to snap a few pictures. This rope
climb proved to be the toughest obstacle for me, and consequently the
one I was most proud of conquering! If you look closely, you can see me
coming down the hill in the background.
I even managed to spot Naomi in the crowd during the few seconds that I had to wait for a rope to open up!
At
this point in the day after several thousand other poor souls had tried
climbing the same ropes, they were so coated in wet, slick mud that it
proved nearly impossible to grip the slick rope whilst pulling yourself
up. Three knots were provided in the rope that helped near the bottom,
but one final oomph was needed to ring the bell at the top. My first
several attempts were futile, and I realized my fingers were getting
fatigued fast and I needed to change tactics.
 That
new tactic was to go for a little "golden rule" action and help some
other people get up. These two girls were eager for some help and
didn't hesitate when I offered to help them get up.
It still wasn't easy, but with a little help they got up without too much trouble.
Note:
it's hard giving a person a boost when there isn't anything to hold
onto while you try to lift them up. Legs and shoes were equally slick,
and add an unsure and slick footing at the bottom of the water pit...
and let's just say helping was tough!
Having
done my good deed and ready to cash in on some of that good karma, I
flexed my rested fingers and tried one more time! I tried asking several
people for help in giving me a boost, but no one would come over, so I
was left to tackle it on my own. I finally rang the bell when I managed
to jam my fingers into the little slot created by the two ropes coming
down and joining into one, then pulling myself up and getting my feet to
the next knot.
It
felt ridiculously good to have finished this obstacle and I very
gracefully dismounted from the rope. Wish I could say my landing was so
graceful (good thing Naomi didn't get a picture of THAT)!
Then we had to climb a small, slick hill to the next obstacle, again, right in front of a huge cheering crowd!
Naomi got this little gem as I passed her. Good thing I wore an orange shirt so she could find me, right?!
I think I look like a deranged Igor in this picture. Mmmm "me want brain for master..."
Naomi even got me to pause for a second for a good muddy shot!
The
next obstacle (again right next to the crowd) was this little inclined
wall. If you look at the bottom right of the picture, you can actually
see the bottles of dish soap that they would periodically squeeze onto
the boards to ensure a coefficient of friction so small it required
scientific notation just to express. You can see my head poking up near
the back of the ramp as I contemplate the challenge and wait for an
available rope.
This
was another obstacle that was done better with a little help. One
person planted themselves at the base and pushed the feet of the person
in front of them, and someone at the top reached down to pull you up. I
don't know what it was about me though... I must have had a look about
me that said "do not help!" because I couldn't get anyone to help me at
the top. The guy I'd helped push in front of me had reached the top and
just kept going! Oh well. I was left to pull myself up to the top via
another really slick rope! Any obstacle that involve a rope of any kind
in this entire course was slicker than slick, and my fingers proved to
be the most sore part of my body at the end!
I
managed to get a hand over the peak of the wall and pull myself
upward. It was so crowded at the top, however, that I couldn't swing a
foot around to turn myself around, so I was forced to shimmy my way
face-first down the back side until I could get clear and turn myself
around. My first thought when I saw this picture was a quote
from the movie "Mulan".... I thought to myself "that's right... I
conquered this obstacle pretty boy... and I did it with my shirt on!"
hahaha
I
did manage to turn myself around and get back to the top to help the
fellow who had pushed my feet and helped me reach the top. He was very
grateful! Then I climbed down and ran(ish) to the next challenge!
This
challenge was throwing a spear. You got one chance to hit the bale of
hay about 10-12 yards away. This was one of only 2 challenges that I
failed! It looked to me like I missed the hay by mere inches... which
probably means I missed it by a mile!
If
you failed or opted out of any of the challenges, there were volunteers
who made sure you got down and did 25 burpees (burpee = doing a pushup,
jumping your feet forward, standing up, then jumping up with your arms
up to the sky, then going down to do another pushup). Needless to say,
they're tiring... and there were some people who had troubles with the
obstacles and ended doing upwards of 400-500 burpees over the whole
course. They were tough for sure, and provided me all the motivation I
needed to try and conquer every challenge!
It made me feel good that almost everyone at the "spear throwing" station also had to do burpees!
After
that station we again set off for the last 2/3 of the course, at which
point Naomi couldn't get any more pictures! The next obstacles included:
- sliding down a steep muddy ravine pitted with rocks (bruised cheeks anyone?)
- running through a trail that included plenty of trees, hills,
rocks, ravines, mud pits, etc. All those runs I did up Battle Creek and
Slate Canyon saved me here!
- Carrying a tire for a hundred yards or so, down then back up a
ravine . The up part was (of course) super slick and proved extremely
hard to maneuver with a heavy hunk of rubber on your shoulders.
- filling a giant Home Depot bucket with gravel, then carrying it too through a long course that included traversing a ravine.
- a 50 ft super-slick hill where we had to create a chain of people
all laying on their stomachs pushing up the feet of the person in front
of them. It was wicked tough to get up. Once I got to the top, I found
a really long tree branch, propped my feet on a good solid tree root,
and held it while several people climbed up using the stick I was
holding. Someone else eventually took over "stick-holding duties" and
allowed me to continue on my way! Thank you kind stranger!
- A set of monkey bars. Again, these bars were so slick it was hard
to hold onto them, and I saw a huge crowd of casualties off to the side
doing burpees as I approached... you only got one chance to make it
across and if you fell you were doing burpees again! I had a secret
weapon though, my friend Justin (who ran the heat several hours before
me) told me the trick of putting your feet up on the bars and shimmying
across the bars sideways, rather than try to traverse it "playground"
style (using only your hands). This allowed for some of my load to be
taken off my tired hands and I made it across without any problems.
Someone even yelled out that I was cheating... but the volunteer
laughed, called him an idiot (no joke!) and said "all you have to do is
get across! No one said you couldn't use your feet!" I chuckled and
thanked Justin as I jogged passed him doing his burpees.
- lifting a 40-50 lb cinder block about 20-25 feet into the air via
rope and pulley. It was again another slicker-than-snot rope, so it
proved to be a very difficult task. After several failed attempts, I
got the bright idea to run into the woods behind me and grab hand fulls
of dried leaves and grass. Then I wrapped the rope around my arm and
grabbed the rope with the dried leaves. The leaves gave me just enough
traction on the rope to pull it down enough to wrap my other arm around
it and then pull down with that arm. I repeated this several times until
the weight joyously hit the pulley and off I went!
- A zig-zag patterned balance beam (up-ended 2X6s). This was the
only other obstacle I failed ... I guess I need to work on my balance a
tad! But I did my burpees and moved on!
- More rugged trails, rocks to jump over, hills to slide down,
fallen trees to climb over, ravines to traverse, sections of a muddy and
stagnant river to cross and work through... etc.
There was a light at the end of the tunnel though...
There
were three obstacles remaining between me and my t-shirt and medal...
the first of which was this wall we had to traverse. They had nailed up
small pieces of 2X4s for hand and foot holds that were of course slick
with the mud of the thousands who went before me! You just had to
traverse the wall from one end to the other without touching the ground
or the top of the wall... if you fell even once... burpees! All those
hours spent bouldering with Naomi, Jennie, and Eric must have helped
though because I made it across the wall without too much of a problem!
Whew!
Next
was the jump over the fire... just to ensure that if for some reason
the rest of the trail did not rip them off, the hair on the lower half
of your legs would be singed off!
The
very last obstacle was these guys! Made me feel like the last part of
American Gladiators, when the poor skinny contestant gets clobbered by
the ripped gladiator waiting behind the paper wall.
These
guys were from the Illinois Air National Guard, and I suspect they were
especially picked on by their drill sergeant during basic training...
because they loved nothing more than to whack you with their jousting
sticks, then sweep your legs out from under you when you were
disoriented! I think they enjoyed their job WAY too much! To be fair
though... can you blame them? I mean, seriously, how cool would that job
be?!
Fear not though... I had a tactic for dealing with the over-zealous
American Gladiators! I just trailed right behind those two poor fellows
in the red and black shirts...
While
Mr. Red Shirt and Black Shirt were busy getting pummeled, I snuck past
the distracted and over-zealous guardsman with my teeth intact and
successfully made it to the finish line!
I was very happy to get my medal!
I
even got to sign this really cool wall that now that I've signed it I'm
sure will be an exhibit in the Smithsonian in a hundred years.
Just
in case you don't believe how muddy I got... Naomi decided to get a
close-up. Notice my right eye is closed. That's due to both the sun
shining in my eyes and the mud the bothered that eye the entire race.You
can even see the stream where my tear ducts worked on expelling as much
of it as possible. This picture will also help you understand why our
home shower was turned black when I got home and it took a hand full of
q-tips to clean my ears! There's something very fun about getting so
dirty.
Anyway, it was a blast and a very fun challenge. I have no clue what my
standing is, or what place I got, and don't really care too much! I
figure that since they held the awards ceremony 3 hours before my heat
even started, that they didn't really expect anyone in my group to pull
any spectacular times! According to our own time-keeping efforts though,
I do know that Justin finished in about 1:05:00 and I finished
somewhere around 1:12:00. He's one tough monkey though, so it doesn't
surprise me that he whooped me.
I'm
sure glad I did it! And as if the day wasn't great enough... that night I
got to wolf down an entire Papa John's medium pizza by myself (can't
imagine what would make me so hungry) whilst listening to BYU beat
Oregon State! Woo Hoo!
(From Naomi: I just looked up Kevin's Stats and he finished 21 out of 441 in the Male 25-29 age group. And 58 out of 1830 in the Male Overall Open Wave. That doesn't count the literally HUNDREDS of people who didn't rank because they didn't finish! Kevin, you are such a stud!)
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